Right then, what’s your verdict on the World Cup so far? Is it much like Wayne Rooney’s assessment of Michael Bublé’s performance in Canada’s opening ceremony? “Eh, so-so.”

Same here – until Curaçao equalised against Germany in Houston on Sunday evening, at which point you might even have hugged Gianni Infantino for allowing 48 teams to come and play. Okay, steady, maybe not. But as Darragh Maloney put it: “That is just something else.” It was too. Even Ronnie Whelan emoted. A little.

It was already emotional enough watching the folk from Curaçao wipe the tears from their cheeks as their anthem blasted around that arena in Texas, although God almighty, put away your phones and bask in the moment.

“Ma, how did you feel when Himno di Kòrsou was played in the NRG Stadium?”

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“Frustration – I couldn’t keep my iPhone steady.”

No matter, it was an exquisite moment for the country with a population the size of Wicklow’s who are only one spot above Oman in the world rankings, James McClean having given them as much hope of testing Germany as there is of him accepting a knighthood.

The euphoria didn’t last long, alas, a pummelling was incoming, but still, Livano Comenencia’s goal, along with Qatar’s injury-time equaliser against Switzerland, and the stadium in Boston rocking to the air of Loch Lomond, have combined to make you almost forget the insufferable bits around this World Cup. Among them: hydration breaks.

You might recall the two things Fifa president Sepp Blatter most wanted during his reign: 1) games divided in to four quarters and 2) female players wearing tighter shorts.

Well, it looks like that first dream has, finally, been realised, although thus far, Katie McCabe, Denise O’Sullivan and the like have not yet been ordered to swap their shorts for knickers. Give it time, though.

Fifa, of course, brought in hydration breaks because of their player welfare concerns. Kidding. That’d be the same Fifa that has stretched the football calendar to breaking point with madie-uppie tournaments nobody cares about so that utterly banjaxed players are now more prone to serious injury.

Half-time in the opening game between Mexico and South Africa. Joanne Cantwell asked Richie Sadlier what he thought of the contest. He didn’t care, there was only one thing on his mind. “I can’t let this moment go without noting that this is my first experience watching a game of football that’s been broken during the first-half by ad breaks ... Ads during a match is wrong. It just is, it just is.”

Stephen Kelly defended RTÉ for taking the chance to squeeze in an ad or two, Kenny Cunningham kept schtum and Joanne moved swiftly along. Richie’s head was wrecked, though, no more than our own.

Mark Pougatch is struggling too. “This is not AI,” he has had to repeat on several occasions when viewers have doubted that ITV actually has a studio in Brooklyn with views of the Manhattan skyline.

The Beeb-haters, need it be said, have poured rivers of scorn over the corporation for basing themselves in Salford for this phase of the World Cup, when they would have scundered them if they’d shipped their entire staff to the tournament.

What are they doing in response? They’re using studio backdrops of cityscapes from the various host venues, including one of, well, the Manhattan skyline. “I’m bringing New York to you,” Gabby Logan chuckled, like they were next door to ITV in Brooklyn. Little wonder Mark is demented from the AI accusations.

Anyway, it has been quite a trip thus far, including immeasurable relief for Scotland after they held on against Haiti, and immeasurable sadness for Haiti for not getting a point. Or “Heighty” as Gary Neville insisted on calling them. Ahead of the game, Duncan Ferguson held no fear when, in light of Scotland’s World Cup history, he probably should have. “Haiti’s nae Germany,” he said.

They’re not, and neither are Qatar, but their joy after their game against the Swiss was a very lovely thing. “That’s an historic victory for the Qataris,” said Shay Given of their draw, Tony O’Donoghue finding no romance at all in the occasion. “Let’s not put lipstick on a pig – that was the worst game of the tournament.”

And we’ll most probably have to apply a fair amount of lipstick to this show over the next few weeks, but we’ll carry on trusting that it will provide us with moments so glorious that it will help us switch off the sheer grubbiness that surrounds it.

Source: The Irish Times